mobile games

Fire Emblem Heroes: An Addictive, Economic Mess

“[Making mobile games] is absolutely not under consideration. If we did this, Nintendo would cease to be Nintendo.” –Satoru Iwata, 2011

This time 5 years ago, Nintendo was vehement in its stance of never wanting to make a mobile game. Today, however, is a different story: Nintendo has released Miitomo, Super Mario Run, and now Fire Emblem Heroes. Released earlier this month, Fire Emblem Heroes made more than $2.9 million within 24 hours of its release–giving it the third highest gross revenue for a mobile game on release (only behind Pokemon Go and Super Mario Run). With an average of ~$50,000 in daily income and ~8,000 daily installments, Fire Emblem Heroes seems to be doing pretty well for itself a month later, making more in a day than most mobile games make in a year. As incredible as these numbers must sound, however, they don’t necessarily speak on behalf of the quality of the game. Let us not forget, for instance, that despite being the best selling mobile game of all-time (currently), Pokemon Go is still constantly accused of being a buggy mess–and although it’s constantly being patched, new glitches always seem to come up in place of the ones that were just fixed. I’m not saying that these glitches make the app bad by default, just that–despite its overwhelming revenue–it’s far from perfect. Fire Emblem Heroes, of course, is the same way.

Let me start this review off by saying that I really enjoy this game: In the past few weeks I’ve been a Fire Emblem fiend. Nintendo really seems to try to be pushing making 2017 the year of Fire Emblem and they’re already off to a wonderful start through this game. Fire Emblem Heroes takes the bare bones mechanics of a typical Fire Emblem game and combines them with a heap of sweet, sweet fan service. Not the trashy kind of fan service we’re all used to in anime games, but fan service in showing us older characters that many of us haven’t seen in years–for some of us (especially considering that 6 Fire Emblem games were never officially released in English) at all.

via mic.com

“Fire Emblem Heroes takes the bare bones mechanics of a typical Fire Emblem game and combines them with a heap of sweet, sweet fan service.”

But nostalgia and love of a given character shouldn’t blind anyone from the faults in this game, of which there are plenty. Whether or not they’re so bad that they weigh the game down I’ll address shortly, but what I would like to make clear beforehand is that although this game is definitely designed so that non-fans of the Fire Emblem franchise can play it, too, it’s definitely pandered heavily toward fans of Fire Emblem. Although this isn’t necessarily a problem, it is something worth keeping in mind for now.

 

 

Gameplay

If you’ve ever played any Fire Emblem game then you know how to play Fire Emblem Heroes. And if you haven’t played a Fire Emblem game, then it’s a fairly simple–with a few in-depth aspects (though they’re hardly present in Heroes)–strategy RPG: Making teams, moving them across various fields, and using strategy to kill the enemy. Fire Emblem’s simple gameplay transfers very well on mobile: It’s easy to learn, hard to fully master.

via rankedboost.com

Gameplay is where Heroes, like the rest of the Fire Emblem franchise, shines. The game offers many modes of combat (EX: Story mode, training, arena, etc.) to give the player a well-rounded experience and has a good variety of difficulty settings for all, giving players of all skill levels a way to have fun. Combined with the team building aspect, this can make for some quick, fun battles–which is perfect for the mobile platform.

The gameplay is very simple and straightforward–which for a mobile game, is ideal. Strategize, move your character(s), attack. Even though fans of Fire Emblem can jump into this game easily, it’s still designed so that non-fans–even of the strategy RPG genre–can still grasp it quickly and easily. Although it’s definitely a watered down version of the Fire Emblem gameplay (as it lacks classing up, a variety of attacks, etc.) it’s watered down in a way that’s ideal for a quick, yet enjoyable game: Something heavily emphasized in mobile games, making for an addictive experience.

 

 

Sound and Visuals

For a mobile game, Fire Emblem Heroes looks and sounds pretty sleek overall. It has an all-star voice acting cast (all of whom do an excellent job–despite the large cast, there’s not a bad actor in the group), a traditional “Fire Emblem-y” soundtrack, and the visuals are all solid. The only thing off putting about either of these things is the differing styles of art. Most of the characters are done in the very modern anime style seen in Awakening and Fates have, or something similar to it. Yet a lot of these styles have small nuances that make them look incredibly different when characters are put next to each other. More over, characters with radically different art styles like Arthur and Gunter look horrendously out of place. Although this alternate artwork isn’t bad (in fact, they’re all very well drawn) and, as an artist, I can sympathize that asking one single artist do do illustrations for the entire roster is a very tall order, I wish that they at least would’ve kept it more cohesive and avoided making some characters look like they’re in the wrong game entirely. Without knowing anything about the game, would you believe that these are all characters as the way they appear in the same game?

 

Story and Writing

Although I’ve not played the entire Fire Emblem series, I’ve still yet to play a Fire Emblem game with a notably interesting story–and Heroes is no exception. But due to the generally casual nature of mobile games (like Heroes) a super in-depth story isn’t necessary. The game gives you incentive to beat enemies and summon heroes and that’s it–but under these circumstances, that’s all it needs to do. Although it would’ve been nice to see something more clever than, “WOW we’re traveling across the different universes WOW look at all these characters from different worlds” (read: Kingdom Hearts) it gets the job done in this case. It’s not clever, but it doesn’t need to be clever. And given how needlessly complex the stories have been in some Fire Emblem games, having one that’s simply unoriginal is better than having one that’s trying too hard. On the story vs gameplay spectrum, Fire Emblem has always more heavily gravitated toward focusing on gameplay. Therefore–especially in a more casual setting like a mobile game–a clever or interesting story, while always a good touch, isn’t necessary. Fire Emblem Heroes neither falls nor succeeds in this department.

 

Exchange Rates

This is, without a doubt, where Heroes fails the most. Microtransactions are what keeps the mobile gaming market afloat: As such, as a game developer, it’s important that you make your audience want to buy them. Ideally, the microtransactions help the fun value of the game, but aren’t a necessity. When you emphasize the microtransactions too much, they make the game feel like a pay-to-win game, which your playerbase will catch on to fast and likely pander it for that reason as they grow increasingly sick of it. On the other hand, if you don’t emphasize them enough then nobody will buy them and your game won’t make a profit. It’s a very fine line. Sadly, however, Fire Emblem Heroes seems to lean heavily toward the free-to-play, pay-to-win model.

Scenario: You’re playing the story mode on Heroes. You’re horribly stuck, but you notice that one of your units of a different weapon class is doing much better than your other units in this map. You decide that you’ll add another 1 or 2 of that class to your team to help you win the chapter–but you notice that you don’t seem to have any other units of that class. So you decide to do a full summon (which is 20 orbs) with hopes that you’ll get a unit of that kind. But unfortunately, RNGesus didn’t smile on you today, and you don’t get one.

via rankedboost.com

Since you’re stuck in the story mode and unable to progress, if you don’t have any more paralogues left or the occasional quest that offers an orb, then sadly, you’re screwed unless you’re patient enough to horde your sign in bonus of 2 orbs each day for 10 days and hope that next time you’ll get one. But odds are you’re not. So you decide to buy orbs. Knowing that a full summon costs 20 orbs, to pay for a full summon would cost you $13 each time. Or if you know that you’re going to want to do a few of them, the “best” deal you can get them at (in terms of cost per orb) is 140 orbs for $75. The catch is that you have to spend $75–something very few people would be willing or able to do. But even if you are willing and able to do that, there’s still no guarantee you’ll get what you need since the summons are all RNG-based. Most famously, there was a player who dumped $1000 into the game and still wasn’t able to summon Hector.

Bottom line: Orbs are imperative to the game, and obtaining them can be a slow process. You can easily go days–maybe even a week–without being able to summon anything, which could drastically affect the rate at which you play then game. Worse than the rate at which you get orbs, however, is the rate at which you get feathers: 20,000 of which are required to rank a hero up. At the most, you can get feathers in the arena–usually 1,000. More typical than that, however, are interactions with characters that usually get you about 5. Not 50, not 500, 5. I shouldn’t even have to explain how ridiculous that is. Surprisingly, there’s no way to purchase feathers. What you can purchase, however, is stamina potions which you’ll desperately need if you want to be able to grind for feathers long enough to get 20,000.

The stamina in and of itself is also a major exchange rate issue, as there’s no way to upgrade it and many parts of the game require upwards of 10 stamina to even attempt once–keep in mind that the stamina is capped at 50, and currently there’s no way to upgrade that. With the wait time to restore stamina being as long as it is if you want to restore a significant amount, it makes grinding for anything a major hassle.

via rankedboost.com

It’s not surprising that the exchange rates in this game are so awful as I’m sure it’s done in part to make up for Super Mario Run. Unfortunately for Nintendo though, like they did in Super Mario Run, they’re making it incredibly obvious that they still don’t know how to price things fairly in a mobile game–both microtransactions and in-game-currency transactions.

With the in-game power these major factors, they slow the game down exponentially, making the game much more frustrating than it needs to be. Unless you get really lucky, this game makes it really difficult to be good at it as you progress–making purchases feel necessary. In other words, the free-to-play, pay-to-win model. The solution to this problem is simple: Either reduce the number orbs necessary for a summon, the number of feathers necessary for an upgrade, and the cost for stamina, or simply lower the prices of orbs, increase the number of feathers you win in arena/by talking with characters, and make it so that players can upgrade their stamina.

 

Fan Service

For years now Fire Emblem fans have wanted a crossover game to see their favorite characters fight alongside each other and create their dream teams: And, albeit watered down, this game delivers. You can play with a team of characters all from different Fire Emblem games if you want to. The Fantasy Fire Emblem team possibilities are insane. As the roster is now, there are representatives from every Fire Emblem game except for Path of Radiance, Radiant Down, Gaiden (soon to be known as Shadows of Valentia), and Thracia 776. Although that may seem like a lot of games–and certainly the surprising absence of Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn is felt–when you remember that’s only 4/14 games suddenly that doesn’t seem so bad, right?

via rankedboost.com

The only notable problem to be seen in the characters present is the heavy focus in characters from Shadow Dragon & The Blade of Light, Awakening, and Fates. Although these are without a doubt the biggest 3 games it still feels cheap that they make up the overwhelming majority of the roster. To be more precise, they account for 72/108 playable characters in the game–that’s about 2/3 of the roster all from the same 3 games, leaving the other 7 games to divide that last third. Fates boasts the highest number of characters from it with 30 whereas the game outside of “The Big 3” with the most characters from it is Binding Blade with 19. The game with the fewest characters from it (without having none) is currently tied between Sacred Stones and Genealogy of the Holy War, which each have 2 . A big part of the fun of this game is seeing characters from the games you’ve beaten fight again–much moreso for the fans of the older games that haven’t had much love or attention. Although it’s understandable why there would be a focus in the newer Fire Emblem games, it still feels cheap that they account for a majority so overwhelming that it’s 2/3 of the roster.

Arguably a bigger problem than the heavy saturation of the roster is the absence of characters from Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn–particularly Ike who not only won the popularity poll held before this game by a landslide victory, but appeared twice in the top 5 due to being in both Path of Radiance and Radiant Dawn. In total, Ike had 51,555 votes–almost double the next most popular male character (Roy, 28,982) and a few more thousand than the most popular female vote (Lyn, 49,917) making him the most requested character for Heroes. There were 3 other Radiant Dawn/Path of Radiance characters who appeared in the poll results (Micaiah, Mia, and Nephenee). Although Nintendo is almost certainly holding them for an event–probably for whenever the game starts to lose speed and the daily users starts its inevitable plunge–they chose a very unfortunate group to hold. By holding the most requested character, Nintendo has effectively angered several fans and made them feel like their votes in the poll never mattered, which is awful PR.

Despite the roster’s shortcomings, it’s still very satisfying seeing them acknowledge some of the older games and characters that otherwise never got much attention. Many fans can finally build the dream teams from across franchises that they’ve always wanted to–that is, if their teams were almost exclusively characters from Shadow Dragon & The Blade of Light, Awakening, and Fates (which in light of their overwhelming popularity, isn’t a difficult request). Hopefully Nintendo and Intelligent Systems will continue, like in the most recent event (Family Ties) to release characters from older games to break up the heavy saturation in the current roster.

 

Where this Game Succeeds

via forbes.com

Heroes’ strengths lie mostly in gameplay and fan service: This game is fun to play, point blank. If you enjoy strategy RPGs, regardless of whether or not you’re a Fire Emblem fan, you’ll enjoy Heroes. The gameplay is simple enough without feeling too easy, and yet still offers a good transition into difficulty as you progress–to the point where many chapters are notably difficult regardless of the difficulty setting you’re on. Even if you just want to jump into a higher difficulty the game will allow you to do that as well, no problem. Heroes accounts for players of all skill levels.

If you’re a fan of Fire Emblem–even if you’ve only played one title–it’s really satisfying when you get a character that you know of or want. This is even more true for fans of the older games who can finally see some of their favorite characters get some attention, love, and new art. It’s also a great gateway into getting newer Fire Emblem fans into older games in the series–something Nintendo will probably be emphasizing more when they add characters from the second Fire Emblem game to it since it’s being remade in May as Fire Emblem: Shadows of Valentia, but is being overshadowed by the fact that currently more than half the roster is from Awakening or Fates.

If you don’t care about the exchange rates–if you’re just playing this game to battle and get a team that you’re satisfied with early on–then this game is fantastic. The Fire Emblem battle system translates very well on mobile. Sure enough, this does feel like a Fire Emblem game. Although this is clearly catered toward people who are already fans of Fire Emblem, the slightly watered-down version of the Fire Emblem gameplay would also make for a good way of introducing potential new fans into the franchise–although I could imagine them also finding it frustrating not knowing who any of the characters are, that also might help them make a decision in which main series Fire Emblem series they’d want to start with if they like the gameplay enough to want to try the fleshed out version of it.

 

Where this Game Fails

via primagames.com

When Super Mario Run hit the mobile market, the main object of criticism with it was its exchange rates: That game itself was fine, but that it was the nuances of being a mobile game that hurt it, most notably its exchange rates which ultimately hurt it not just critically, but financially as well. Unfortunately, these problems were even more apparent in Fire Emblem Heroes. Like most mobile games, this game is designed to encourage purchases, but it crosses the line from the purchases helping to the purchases being necessary in many aspects. It becomes free to play, pay to win unless you have really good RNG luck. Although it’s definitely possible to play this game without making a purchase, it’s also significantly more difficult–and therefore, significantly more frustrating. This problem could easily be remedied by either bringing down the prices of the microtransactions or bringing down the cost of feathers/orbs/stamina potions necessary to do things, but until those are done this remains a glaring problem.

Aside from the exchange rates, this game is horribly disorganized. UIs are unwieldy, notifications that the player has already read will always come up on startup, and explanations are either too lengthy or simply not present. From a technical standpoint, this game is a mess relying heavily on the Fire Emblem logo to look cleaner.

 

Summary

All in all, this feels like a demo for the Fire Emblem franchise. Although it’s not the complete experience and certainly lacking in some areas, it does give you a basic idea of what the franchise is in a nutshell. You can tell it’s not done, but the potential is plain to see. It’s just a matter of seeing whether or not Nintendo or Intelligent Systems will fully realize that potential. As the game is now, it’s decent–but it has the potential to be great, and with very little effort on Nintendo or Intelligent System’s part.

via samurai-gamers.com

 

“[Heroes] feels like a demo for the Fire Emblem franchise. Although it’s not the complete experience and certainly lacking in some areas, it does give you a basic idea of what the franchise is in a nutshell.”

 

 

 

 

As they enter the mobile arena, Nintendo’s made it very clear that they still don’t know 100% what they’re doing. And although they are getting some things exactly right, they (unsurprisingly) seem to fail when it comes to handling the hallmarks of making a mobile game work like exchange rates, not relying too heavily on fan service, and organization. Yet by the same token, what they have done in Fire Emblem Heroes they’ve done well: They’ve chosen an ideal IP to bring to mobile (as it was already very portable), they’ve made it so that it’s not necessary to be a Fire Emblem fan to enjoy this game (even if it’s exponentially better if you are), and they’ve made a very easy-to-digest version of the Fire Emblem gameplay without making it too difficult. In fact, they’ve added difficulty settings to it to cater to players of all skill levels, making the game feel neither too easy, nor too challenging (unless of course it’s a matter of needing different units on your team, which I already addressed, falls into them needing to improve their exchange rates and therefore, making it less of a hassle to summon new heroes).

Fire Emblem Heroes is an enjoyable game, and as a fan of the Fire Emblem franchise (most notably some of the older games) I really like seeing a crossover game like this with several of Fire Emblem’s most well loved characters. (But of course, if it were up to me, Owain, Inigo, Lute, Lucius, and Artur would be in this game, too, but that’s neither here nor there.) On top of that, it has a very addictive quality to it thanks to the gameplay. Although a very watered down Fire Emblem game, it still feels very much like a Fire Emblem game, albeit riddled with exchange rate holes. If not for the exchange rates, this game could be wonderful. They are, however, so imperative that they weigh the game down with it.

 

This game has the potential to be wonderful, but until Nintendo or Intelligent Systems fixes it, it’s simply okay.

via lparchive.org

Why it’s Harder for me to get into Pokemon Go

Pokemon Go. I don’t need to tell you what it is, I don’t need to tell you how great it is, I don’t even need to tell why this game is revolutionary. TheJWittz uploaded a quick video about it yesterday, and he mentioned that one of the biggest flaws of Pokemon Go is that it’s significantly more difficult when you live in a rural area, and you know what? That couldn’t be more true. I’m writing this article to shed some light on one of the main issues of this game that I think gets incredibly overlooked because of the other issues that effect everyone regardless of where they’re playing–issues like staying on for more than 10 or 15 minutes at a time, the battery power it eats up, and so on. If you live in either a rural area or a state where it’s overwhelmingly hot during this time of the year–especially if you live somewhere that’s both at once, as I do–this game loses some of its charm because it’s just so much harder to play since you have to go really out of your way to play it.

I live in Northern Oklahoma City, and contrary to its name, there’s nothing “city” about Oklahoma City. Below is a picture of the area surrounding my house. As you can see, there’s one Pokestop, and it’s a pretty fair distance away.  A fair distance I can’t make without a car because the only walkable area of Oklahoma city is Bricktown–which is a 30-40 minute drive away from me. It’s a good thing gas is pretty cheap over here, because you’ll have to drive a pretty fair distance to find a Pokestop or a gym. I don’t even know where the closest gym is to me because I just haven’t been able to find one within 20 minutes of my house.

Wow, look at all these Pokestops

Wow, look at all these Pokestops

But I know what you’re thinking: Going out and exploring is one of the best parts of Pokemon Go. I’m not denying that, but you know what’s not one of the best parts? Needing to go on  a 30 or 40 minute road trip just to catch anything but Rattata and Weedle. Even if you are feeling gutsy enough to go walking around, Oklahoma is incredibly hot. And it’s even worse for me because being the pale ginger that I am, I have a long, illustrious history of sunburns, and even if I were to by some miracle apply enough sunscreen to prevent a sunburn, I live in a very green area full of snakes and bugs. If you don’t believe me, here’s a peek just past my backyard. Pretty, yes, but not very useful for Pokemon hunting.

Welcome to Oklahoma “City”

In summary, it’s really hard for me to really get into some of the best aspects of this game because I just don’t live in a big city. There are a few Pokestops within a reasonable distance of me, but they’re very few and far between, and I can’t even find a gym near me. In fact, despite everything I just said about Oklahoma City, it’s still the most populated area of Oklahoma, alongside Tulsa and Norman. But I know people who live in cities vastly less populated like Clinton and Henryetta who just couldn’t be having a worse time right now for the same reasons, but to a more extreme. I live in a rural state where it’s incredibly hot and sunny, and in a very green area that’s full of bugs and snakes–it’s very unwise to go outside for long over here, especially when you sunburn as easily as me. I hate that I have to go Downtown if I want anything other than Rattata or Weedle. And again, I know that going out and looking for hot spots is part of the fun of this game, but I can’t just make these long, 40 minute trips whenever I want to play Pokemon Go–I wish I could, but I just can’t. As inconvenient as all this sounds though, that doesn’t mean I don’t love this game.

Screenshot_2016-07-13-12-11-29

Here’s a screenshot I took in Downtown Oklahoma City today–as you can see, there’s a few gyms and several Pokestops–because it’s walkable, I was also able to wander around and catch several different Pokemon–Pokemon I couldn’t dream of finding by my house, solely because I can walk and wander around here without worrying about getting bit by bugs, and it’s more shady. When visiting an area like this, I feel like I can finally enjoy the game to its fullest potential. This is without a doubt the best mobile game I’ve played–more than that, this game is downright revolutionary. Pokemon fans have been dreaming of a game like this for years–and the fact that a game like this now exists for free is mind blowing. We’re living in this insane cyberpunk future where local news stations make articles about the best Pokemon spots in your city and I’m absolutely blown away. It’s incredible to see so many people enjoy such a wonderful game so actively.

This game is incredible. It’s made me exercise more in the last week than I have in probably my whole life, it’s making all of my childhood dreams come true, and I absolutely love it. I just wish it were more fair for those of us not living in a big city–especially for those of us living in areas where, for whatever reason, going outside for long just isn’t a good idea. I really don’t like being on the road for 40 minutes if I just want to challenge a gym or go to more than one Pokestop. I know going out and exploring is part of the fun of this game, but you gotta’ realize that we don’t all live in walkable areas and gas costs money.

The Modern Horror Genre: Bootleg Mobile and Flash Games

If you would’ve asked someone 5 years ago about the scariest game they knew of, they’d probably tell you something like Silent Hill, Resident Evil, Fatal Frame, or something else that fits in the traditional horror genre. But today? There’s nothing that terrifies me more than the sheer knowledge that games like Elsa Bone Repair, Ana Bathroom Cleanup, and Minion Pregnancy exist right here right now. To me, there’s no more perplexing idea than the idea that someone–more than likely a small group of people, actually–had to sit down and make these games and think that they looked more than fine for the gaming market–that they’d actually fool people into thinking they’re legit.   Moreover, seeing some of the more tame ones–usually Naruto or Pokemon related–on Facebook and Tumblr have become a pretty common sight. Is there no quality control anymore? Have we as a human species in our eternal quest for good games forgotten one of gaming’s most core teachings: If it says it’s a Pokemon game but there’s a picture of Agumon then it’s not really a Pokemon game? Hilarious as these games are though, why do these games keep getting made? And who’s making them? They’re not actually making money…right? As the admin of a certain Facebook and Twitter page devoted to posting hilariously bad bootlegs, I think about these questions all the time. And so, just for you wonderful readers, I’ve taken some time out of my busy schedule of watching high quality cinema, reading the finest literature, and auditioning for the Sense of Right Alliance to do some research on the phenomenon that is bootleg mobile and flash games.

battlecamp2

A sight many of us are all too used to

 

Why do these games keep getting made?

Despite the popular theory that these games are made as a medical tool to keep people awake and alert (after all, after just seeing the thumbnail for this article, you’re probably already feeling like you’ll never sleep again with all the nightmares you’ll be having about it, right?), these games are made for the same reason any bootleg gets made: To attempt to trick people into thinking that your product is legit and buying it. With more and more kids being on the mobile game market it becomes a prime spot to try to sell bootleg games. Kids are gullible–they’re much more likely to believe that Anna Give Birth A Baby is an actual game that Disney actually published. After all, it looks like it’s Anna and it says it’s Anna, right? So it must be Anna and therefore the real deal.

Anna Give Birth a Baby

You really think someone would do that? Just go on the App Store and tell lies?

Who’s making them?

In my experience, usually China. Although most of the bootlegs I run into on my social media pages tend to be from Brazil, the games tend to be made in China more often than not. China has the largest online gaming market and some of the laxest copyright laws–so bootlegging mobile and flash games is a no-brainer.

Speaking of being a no-brainer

Sometimes that’s taken very literally

 

They’re not actually making money…right?

Not only are kids gullible, but they have their parent’s money. After all, I’m sure that most parents would rather buy a cheap mobile game–probably even a handful of them–rather than a triple A console title for their kid: It’s more economical, plain and simple. And that’s just the mobile games–bootleg flash games are almost always completely free. As we can see clearly by the fact that these games still being made at such a fast rate, the devs find them profitable enough to keep making these games as quick as they are. Are they making substantial amounts of money though? It’s impossible to track the exact numbers, but here’s what I can say: Many of these games are removed quickly–even quicker if sellers notice something’s off.  Even though these games are certainly making a few dollars, it’s hard to imagine that most of them are making more than just that: A few dollars. If they start making too much money they’re quicker to draw the unwanted gaze of lawyers and copyright holders. Although, some might be selling for the complete opposite reason that the devs were hoping for–I mean, who wouldn’t want Simulator Doctor Freddy Joke on their phone just to laugh at it–but hey, whatever pays the bills, right?

I wonder if they have to play them, too?

RIGHT?

Do these games actually work? What are they like?

In my experience, they either don’t work or they basically have no game play. Granted I haven’t played every bootleg game out there, but out of what I’ve played, it’s usually one of the two aforementioned categories–especially just not having any game play. They usually end up being drag-and-drop games, very basic memory games, or endless runners sometimes with very basic platforming–things that a toddler could do. But to be fair, I imagine toddlers must surely (read: hopefully) make up a large part of these game’s audience. I’m assuming these games are made so basically to speed up productivity? …Or because most of these developers don’t seem to have the skills to make games better than this. That could be it, too.

makeitstopplease

What do you honestly expect from devs who make games like this?

 

How do these games make it on the mobile market in the first place?

In the same way that modern and abstract art barged their way into art history and demanded to be put on the same pedestals as Da Vinci and Raphael despite a very obvious decline in technical quality, such is the advent of bootleg mobile and flash games. Quality control on the mobile market just isn’t what it used to be. Put simply (very simply) although there are protective algorithms in place, many times Apple and Microsoft won’t do an extensive legal check on their games. Rather, they wait for the copyright holders to approach them about a legal problem if one arises. With so many of these bootleg games being made so fast, it’s easy to imagine how they can constantly slip through the searches of what I can only imagine are poor, disappointed interns whose job it is to look for these apps all day.

I wonder if they have to play them, too?

I wonder if they have to play them, too?

So why are most of these bootleg games Frozen or Minion-related?

Same reason most of the bootleg toys from the late 90’s and early 2000’s were Sailor Moon and Pokemon-related: Those are two really good and incredibly popular IPs right now. It’s clickbait.

 

And why are a lot of them ear doctor, dentist, foot doctor, and/or brain surgery games?

I honestly have no idea–my best and most scientifically probable guess is that in some kind of alternate dimension we as gamers somehow sinned against ear doctors, dentists, foot docors, and/or brain surgeons really badly and now we’re paying the price.

 

Are these games really that terrifying?

12576308_179645025724969_1508940688_n

 

DentistTrain

 

Absolutely and without question, yes. It is my firmest held belief that by simply existing in the same world at the same time as these bootleg games we’re allowing ourselves as the human species to descend deeper and deeper into the fiery abyss of copyright hell. These games are why the apocalypse will rain down on us by the wrath (read: lawyers) of the four horsemen: Dreamworks, Nintendo, Spongebob, and the merciless reaper of bootleg souls, Disney.